NPN New Moms Group

As I’ve mentioned before, putting yourself out there is a very important stay-at-home-mom skill. One way to do this is by joining the NPN New Moms Group.

By the time my group started, Will was a few months old and I was so eager to talk to other moms that I almost burst into tears when it was my turn to introduce myself. “Hi, I’m Julie, and this is Will. I’m hoping to make some new mommy friends, and get some great advice on how to be a better parent” (I’m such a dork).

A veteran NPN member led the first three meetings, which was great. She offered us support, and opened each meeting with a parenting question like, “were you surprised by how difficult breastfeeding is?”

After the first three meetings were over, we began rotating houses for play group or meeting at a play space. We’ve lost a couple of women, but the rest of us have been pretty consistent about getting together every Wednesday at 3:30.

I think the hardest thing to let go of when you join a mommy group is the nap schedule. There is never going to be a perfect meeting time, so you just have to make it work. Keep your baby up longer, put them down earlier, nap in the car ride there or coming home, or cut the nap a little short . You can always arrive late or leave early in order to work around nap time. However you can make it work, it’s worth it!

Here are some of Will’s new friends from our NPN mommy group:

Are you part of a mommy play group? If so, did you join through a parenting network or just create it yourself?

How Much is Too Much TV?

This long winter made me introduce something I really, really wanted to hold off on until Will was a little older, and now that I’ve started it’s been hard to stop. TV is addicting. Not for Will, for me! It gives me 5-10 glorious minutes of complete, and utter silence, but I’ve started to feel guilty. That same guilt I feel about internet use during Will’s waking periods, has transferred over to Disney Junior.

So…I started doing some research, and I read this, this and this. After all of this reading, I started to feel even worse about my parenting. In fact, I initially erased this post, because I didn’t want to admit that I was doing something that could potential harm my child. I can blame ignorance, but let’s not kid ourselves. The truth is that TV is like eating an ice cream sundae, I know I shouldn’t do it, but it feels so good at the time.

I told myself that if I set perimeters on television watching, then it would be ok. “I’ll let Will watch 5 minutes right before his first nap, because that’s when he gets fussy, and I’ll let him watch another 5 minutes during the witching hour, because that’s when he gets fussy (anyone see a theme here?). And if he gets sick, five minutes might be extended to ten minutes. 10-20 minutes a day is not bad, right? The experts say, “WRONG”.

The American Academy of Pediatrics released a policy in 2011 stating that even TV as background noise can inhabit a child’s ability to learn, and a parent’s willingness to engage the child in learning. The AAP also believes that TV can lead to poor sleep habits, and language development delays once they begin school.

Alright, now that I “know” all of the negative side-effects of TV, will I let my child watch TV again? Of course(!),  but I am going to try to follow the rules from now on. No more TV until he turns 2 years old, as recommended by American Academy of Pediatrics. He’s the first child, so I can try to do what I’m supposed to, but don’t hold me to this for the 2nd one!

By the way, I emailed this excerpt from David Hill’s article to my husband not because I expect him to stop watching Squawk Box in the morning, but knowledge is power and…I like to bother him at work 😉

“Just having the TV on in the background, even if “no one is watching it,” is enough to delay language development. Normally a parent speaks about 940 words per hour when a toddler is around. With the television on, that number falls by 770! Fewer words means less learning”. 

When did you introduce TV to your child? What’s your policy on television in your home?

It’s Your Turn

“It’s your turn”. You are either saying it, thinking it or praying for it when your little one wakes you up at the crack of dawn. Every morning, it feels like I’m back in middle school, begging my mom, “just five more minutes, please“. Your bed takes on a whole new level of comfort, and you yearn for your warm covers the second you hear, “ba ba ba, da da da”.

Billy and I go back and forth about how to split up the morning shift. We’ve tried alternating days, week vs weekend, ignoring the sounds in hopes that they will turn back into blissful sleep, but we keep sliding back into the same routine. I feed and change Will at 5:30 a.m (when is he going to outgrow this phase?!) and then put him back to sleep. I then crawl in bed, cross my fingers, and pray that he lays down and closes his eyes. Sometimes, he gives us the gift of falling back asleep until 7:30, but other times he cat-naps until 6:00 a.m. Either way, that second wake-up time has become Billy’s shift.

If you are a stay-at-home-mom, like me, many people would say, (and Billy might agree) that the husband shouldn’t take a morning shift because he has to go to work all day. My argument is that it is the only time of day when he can spend quality time with his son (It totally works 😉 ).

Who wakes up with your little one in the morning? How do you split up the morning shift if one parent works? How do you split up the morning shift if both parents work?

P.S. This is me every night at 8:30…

 

It’s Nice to Miss and be Missed

Billy was on full-time daddy duty this weekend, and despite all my doubts, he was awesome! From 8-5, on Saturday and Sunday I was at Fit4Mom training (more on that to come), and by 3:00 I was yearning for Will.

Throughout the day, my texts and phone calls to Billy were consistent and repetitive, “How’s it going? Who are you with? Where are you? Are you doing something cool? I want to know what you’re doing, and who you are talking to. I want to know everything that you are doing and I don’t want you to act like I’m being annoying. I just want you to answer all of my questions”.

Why do I ask Billy 20 questions every time he “babysits” (as he likes to call it) Will? Because I’m a crazy new mom I like to picture Will doing each of his daily activities. Like when he has a snack, is he wiggling his feet and panting with excitement? Or when he wakes up from his nap, is he saying, “da da da da” over and over again. As a new mom, it’s not so much that I need to know, but I want to know because it make me feel happy.

I loved coming home everyday this weekend and giving Will a big hug. It was nice to miss him, and it was nice to be missed by him (and Billy 🙂 )

How does it feel to be away from your little one?

P.S One of Billy’s take-aways from the weekend was, “I think Will might be a Dennis-the-Menace type”.

24 Hours Without Will

24 hours is nothing, right? I left Will with his dad for 2 days while I surprised one of my best friends Michelle for her 30th. It was easy peasy, (I teared up on the plane, but once the champagne started flowing I was fine) and despite my doubts, Billy handled those 48 hours like the pro that he is.

Billy sent this picture of Will and his Uncle Jack to ease my nerves while I was gone. Such responsible adults 😉

Will is going to be spending the next 24 hours with his loving grandmother, “Grammie” and grandpa Big Bear while Billy and I take a mini vacation. I’m not concerned in the least bit that Grammie can’t handle Will; she is one of 12, raised 4 kids, and has 5 grandkids with one on the way. That’s a lot of experience with children!

I’m more concerned that Will is going to be difficult. And by difficult, I mean: waking up at 5:30, (that’s always fun) crying for 20 minutes before falling asleep (it’s so hard to listen to), twisting his whole body while you try to change his diaper, and of course climbing every piece of furniture in their house.

Now, doesn’t that look like a face that wants to get into some trouble? 🙂

I found the article, “First Sleepover” on Parents very reassuring. The article provides a guide to help ease the nerves you experience during your first overnight sans baby.

1. Choose a familiar caregiver (grandma, aunt, regular nanny) and have them come to your house.

Check (for the most part): Grammie is babysitting, but we will be at their home. Luckily, we’ve been staying at Grammie’s all week, so Will is well-adjusted. 

2. Pass along the schedule, but be flexible.

Check: I wrote out a schedule for Grammie as a guide, but it changes daily and nothing about his day is set-in-stone. 

3. Travel between 4-9 months.

Check: Will turns 9 months on December 31st. 

4. Introduce the bottle a few weeks before if you are nursing.

Check: I’m no longer breastfeeding, but I did follow this guideline for my other trip. 

5. Don’t plan a secret escape.

Check (for the most part): We are going to say goodbye to Will, but we aren’t leaving until he goes down for his nap. 

6. Ditch the guilt

Check (for the most part): I feel a little guilty, but I’m not going to let it hold me back from our mini-vacation!  

Have you left your little one overnight? If so, how did you prepare? Did this preparation help ease your nerves?

Thanks Grammie and B.B. !

Funny Things New Moms Say

I was inspired by this hilarious YouTube video to come up with my own list of funny things new moms say. Are you guilty of a few?

1) “Shhh…you’re going to wake him”. My whole body tenses up the second Billy decides to walk around during nap time. C-R-E-A-K goes every wooden floor board in our 1930s apartment.

2) “I’ll just do it”. It usually goes something like this – Me: Honey, will you change Will’s poopy diaper? Billy: Yeah, on the commercial. Me: I’ll just do it (super mom! ).

3) “He’s just going through a phase.” It’s a close call, but I might use this as much as the teething excuse to explain Will’s behavior. “He’ll outgrow it, right?” I ask every friend and family member hoping for some comforting reassurance.

4) What’s wrong?  Why do we even ask our child this question? It’s like asking a dog, “why do you bark?” Obviously, both the dog and baby want something, but they can’t talk! and why does everyone else ask us, “What’s wrong with your little guy?” Well…since I’m a mind-reader, he’s upset that Tommy took his toy, and he’s been constipated for days.

5) “He didn’t sleep last night.” This is always an exaggeration, but when you are waking up 4 times a night it starts to feel that way and unfortunately you start to look that way. I don’t miss this “phase” at all thanks to this.

6) “We’re having one of those days”.  I probably say this a couple of  times a week, which basically takes away the legitimacy of the excuse.

7) “He’s such a boy.” Now, this is a complete generalization, but I still throw it out there whenever Will is wrestling his toys, smashing his food in between his fingers, or climbing our coffee table.

8) “He’s off his schedule”. As new moms, we OBSESS over the “eat, play, sleep” schedule. The second our child gets sick, or we are traveling, we quickly announce to everyone that is around, “He’s off his schedule!” Phew. Now we’re covered in case our child decides to have a meltdown.

9) “Daddy, it’s your turn”. I guess we think that if we put the word “daddy” in there it makes it sound more sweet, so they’ll come faster.

Any of these sound familiar? What do you hear yourself constantly saying as a new mom ? I’d love to hear your list!

Is There a Right Time to Start a Family?

This debate seems more prevalent now than ever before: should you plan to have a family early on in life or wait until later in life? Also, is it something women can control?

Meet Cynthia…

She’s a go-getter, who’s always known she’d have a high-paying job, and she’d do whatever it takes to get there, even if it meant putting a family on hold. “It’s just for now. I’ll get married and have kids one day,” she reassures herself. Her mother had it all, big career, big family, so why couldn’t she?

Meet Josie…

She’s been married and divorced all before the age of 30, and now she is ready to be SINGLE. She’s loving her new freedom, and has made a promise to herself to never make the same mistake again. That means not settling for a guy just because he fits all of the “husband” criteria on paper. “I’ll marry again one day,” she reassures herself.

Meet Suzy…

“When I grow up, I want to be a stay-at-home mom,” she told her parents when she was 5. She has been on a mission ever since to meet the man of her dreams, settle down, buy a house, and start popping out babies. She works “for now,” but knows her true calling in life is to stay home with her kids. “There is nothing wrong with being a stay-at-home mom,” she reassures herself.

Meet Heather…

Why can’t she meet a man like her father? She wants someone who can take care of her, and give her all the things she’s always had in life. Some people say she’s “picky,” but she likes to think of herself as selective. She wants kids one day, but can’t seem to find “the one”. She knows her clock is ticking, (her parents remind her daily) but “there just aren’t enough good men in the city,” she reassures herself.

Meet Rachel…

Everyone loves Rachel. She has tons of friends, who constantly tell her, “any guy would be lucky to have you”. She’s been a maid-of-honor in all of her best friends weddings, but it doesn’t bother her. She’s not ready for that level of commitment, maybe she never will be. And the thought of kids really freaks her out. She likes moving to the beat of her own drum, and doesn’t want anybody to hold her back. “There is nothing wrong with not having kids,” she reassures herself.

Meet Elizabeth…

Elizabeth hears wedding bells in her future. She met the man-of-her-dreams at a coffee shop, and has been madly in love ever since. She is constantly “pinning” new ideas for her wedding, honeymoon, and baby shower, because her boyfriend is going to propose any day now. She loves kids and doesn’t put a number on how many she and “Mr. Right” will have. “Once I’m married and have kids, then I’ll really be happy,” she reassures herself.

These women are all FICTIONAL characters with HYPOTHETICAL situations. OBVIOUSLY, the whole female population does not fit into these six personas, but I’m sure bits and pieces remind you of someone you know or yourself (I was definitely a combo of a few before I married Billy). And who’s to say one woman is living her life the right way and one woman is living her life the wrong way?

Which woman do you associate with the most? Do you think it’s better to have a child early on or later in life? And can a woman really plan out her future, her husband, and her kids? (We sure like to try 😉 )

(Pictures by mallword.me)

Charts and More Charts

Reading a baby book is not the most thrilling thing. The author usually spends a whole chapter explaining his philosophy on child rearing, then another providing scientific evidence to back his belief, and another listing numerous examples of families who have benefited from his method. Jeez. JUST TELL ME WHAT TO DO, AND MAKE IT EASY!

That is the purpose of this blog post. To answer all of the questions I’m constantly asking myself, my family, my friends, and my doctor. I hope you find these charts helpful! (Click on each chart to enlarge)

P.S Every child is different. Some of these charts may not apply to your baby or your parenting style. For me, the napping chart says Will should be at 2 naps a day, but he likes his naps (just like his daddy!).

How much should my child be sleeping? 

How many naps should my child take a day? 

WebMD

How many feedings should I do per day and how often? 

safefood.eu

How much formula or breast milk should I feed my baby? 

What solid foods are age appropriate? 

happyfamilybrands.com

How much Tylenol can my baby take when he is sick or teething? 

http://thedoctormommy.com/?p=1119

What vaccinations does my child need, and when will he receive them? 

What should my child be able to do by this age? 

Shhh…He’s sleeping

My mom has reminded me a few times (maybe, 20) that I need to stop being so quiet when Will is sleeping. I completely agree, but I still continue to cater to his nap schedule.

The thought of waking him up makes me do crazy things like, not flush the toilet (I know, it’s gross), confine myself to one room, whisper to Billy, and go outside to talk on the phone. We live in a one-story apartment, and we were really smart 😉 and chose to put Will in the bedroom right next to the kitchen and the bathroom. Therefore, I’m constantly walking on pins and needles around our house, which is hard when you live in an old building with creaky, wood floors. It needs to STOP, but I don’t want to risk waking him up early from a nap (can you tell how much I treasure his nap time?).

How do you handle noise during nap time?

Bubble Boogers

Add bubble boogers to the I Never Knew this Existed list. Picture this: a clear, bubble gum like bubble that is blown from your baby’s nose, and doesn’t pop until you grab it with a Boogie Wipe. If you’ve never used a Boogie Wipe before you are probably thinking, “I can’t believe they make specific wipes for boogers. What a gimmick”. Trust me, I too thought they were pointless, but Will’s little nose was getting so chapped, so I caved and bought them.

It’s funny, because last week I was patting myself on the back. Will hadn’t gotten sick, and I was attributing that to my own parenting. HA. I guess he was due for a cold, because Friday morning he woke up with very rosy cheeks (Billy said he looked like Santa Clause), a runny nose, and a slight fever.

Lucky for me, my mom decided to visit last-minute. As soon as she arrived, I was complaining, “This is horrible. How do people do this?”

She laughed, “This is nothing, Julie. You better get used to it. Babies get sick at least 6 times a year”.

To make matters worse, Billy decided to get a cold last weekend too. “Now, you can sympathize with Will,” I told him. Basically, there is no escaping it, I’ll be next, and we probably sent my mom home with a cold.

By the afternoon, my mom and I were out of ideas, so I called my doctor’s office and asked what we can do to help Will. The nurse responded, “nothing really”. I think my silent reaction showed her I wasn’t satisfied with her response. She finally went on to share her “vital knowledge”: push the liquids, elevate his mattress on one side, dress him lightly, use saline drops rather than the bulb, and give him Tylenol every 4-6 hours. She did tell me something helpful, “your baby should still be eating the same amount, but it may be in smaller amounts throughout the day”.

Here is some other good “sick baby” tips I got from friends:

1) Vicks BabyRub & Steam baths (Thanks, Ashley!)

2) Sleep training goes out the window when you have a sick baby. You just have to spoil and comfort them. (Very true, Gina)

3) Chicken broth – (Good idea, Koehler, especially because Will is eating solids now)

4)Aquaphor or Vaseline for chapped noses, cheeks, and chins (Thanks, Mom : )

How do you comfort your little one when he or she is sick? What cold remedies have you discovered as a mother?